i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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