I threw up into my coffee this morning.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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