Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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