I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I smell stomach acid.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
