Little spoons don't ask big questions
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
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