she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
