Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
