i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
soo... how was my night?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
try to milk me bitch
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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