FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
