I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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