I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
