i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
and she was petting her beer can
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
