??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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