Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
