My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
