There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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