I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
im six kinds of drunk right now
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
