the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
