I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
