I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
