I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
