like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
