Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
