Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Houston, we have a blender
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Randomize
