WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
