I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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