Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
your like the ambassador to my penis.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Randomize
