My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
