I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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