So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
