I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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