he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Girls should come with a carfax report
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
