I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
