Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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