the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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