no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
