Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
