So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
