I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
