Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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