Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
