So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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