At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
too bad you live with your parents still
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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