tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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