lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Sorry my hands just texted you
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Randomize
