haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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