i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
