One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
