It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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