Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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