eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
