Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
