yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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