the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
